[SAM IN COMIC-BOOK SHOP, WHERE HE MEETS THE BRATTY, OBNOXIOUS, BUTT-UGLY JUNIOR-HIGH VAMPIRE HUNTERS WHO RUN THE SHOP]
Sam: They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet.
Joel: He's so hep. So with-it. So cool.
Crow: You have to wonder why these two brats are allowed to operate this shop alone and at night.
Tom: Maybe their folks hope they'll end up on some "Missing" posters.
Sam: Lucky me, we moved here.
Crow: Better luck next time.
[BRAT HANDS SAM COMIC BOOK: "VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE."]
Brat: You'll like this one. It could save your life.
Tom: Is that really doing the kid a favor?
[STAR, THE CUTE CHICK, JOINS GRUNGE VAMPIRE ON MOTORCYCLE]
Crow [as Star]: Hi, honey, I'm home!
Tom [as grunge vamp]: Did you pick up the groceries?
Crow [as Star]: Yes, dear, dinner is right over there.
[SAM TALKS TO MICHAEL]
Sam: Come on, she stiffed you.
Joel: I'm surprised by the wittiness of that double-entendre.
Crow: You mean the half-wittiness.
[PARKED CAR; BROAD READS COMIC BOOK WHILE LOSER BOYFRIEND GROPES HER AND GETS SLAPPED DOWN]
Tom: This is really more than I want to know about the scriptwriter's sex life.
Crow: Or lack thereof.
[GARAGE AT LODGE; GRANDPA AND SAM GO TO CLASSIC CAR AND START IT]
Grandpa: Just like a baby pussycat!
Joel: Is that why it sounds like it's coughing up a hairball?
[GRANDPA STOPS CAR, GETS OUT]
Grandpa: Are we having fun, or what?
Crow: No, of course not.
Grandpa: That's as close to town as I like to get.
Tom: The town feels the same way.
[COMIC BOOK SHOP; BRATS ASK SAM ABOUT SANTA CARLA]
Sam: It's a nice place--for Martians.
Brat: Or vampires.
Tom: I think a scientific poll would disprove that.
Brat: You don't know shit, buddy.
Crow: No, he knows the script when he sees it.
Brat: We're dedicated to a higher purpose.
Joel: Acting like idiots is a higher purpose?
Tom: It is when you start out as a moron.
Brat: Here, man, read this.
[BRAT HANDS SAM A COMIC BOOK: "DESTROY ALL VAMPIRES."]
Crow: So it's true, comic books corrupt the morals of kids.
[BOARDWALK; MICHAEL JOINS STAR]
Star: It's a rip-off.
Tom: What's this? The movie is reviewing itself?
[STAR REVEALS HER NAME TO MICHAEL]
Michael: I came this close to being called "Moonbeam."
Crow: You came even closer to being called "Dimwit."
Michael: Star is great, I like Star.
Tom: He'd say that if her name was "Syphilis."
[EVERYONE IS ON MOTORCYCLES]
Grunge vampire: You don't have to beat me, Michael--
Crow: But the audience thinks he deserves a good beating.
Sam: They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet.
Joel: He's so hep. So with-it. So cool.
Crow: You have to wonder why these two brats are allowed to operate this shop alone and at night.
Tom: Maybe their folks hope they'll end up on some "Missing" posters.
Sam: Lucky me, we moved here.
Crow: Better luck next time.
[BRAT HANDS SAM COMIC BOOK: "VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE."]
Brat: You'll like this one. It could save your life.
Tom: Is that really doing the kid a favor?
[STAR, THE CUTE CHICK, JOINS GRUNGE VAMPIRE ON MOTORCYCLE]
Crow [as Star]: Hi, honey, I'm home!
Tom [as grunge vamp]: Did you pick up the groceries?
Crow [as Star]: Yes, dear, dinner is right over there.
[SAM TALKS TO MICHAEL]
Sam: Come on, she stiffed you.
Joel: I'm surprised by the wittiness of that double-entendre.
Crow: You mean the half-wittiness.
[PARKED CAR; BROAD READS COMIC BOOK WHILE LOSER BOYFRIEND GROPES HER AND GETS SLAPPED DOWN]
Tom: This is really more than I want to know about the scriptwriter's sex life.
Crow: Or lack thereof.
[GARAGE AT LODGE; GRANDPA AND SAM GO TO CLASSIC CAR AND START IT]
Grandpa: Just like a baby pussycat!
Joel: Is that why it sounds like it's coughing up a hairball?
[GRANDPA STOPS CAR, GETS OUT]
Grandpa: Are we having fun, or what?
Crow: No, of course not.
Grandpa: That's as close to town as I like to get.
Tom: The town feels the same way.
[COMIC BOOK SHOP; BRATS ASK SAM ABOUT SANTA CARLA]
Sam: It's a nice place--for Martians.
Brat: Or vampires.
Tom: I think a scientific poll would disprove that.
Brat: You don't know shit, buddy.
Crow: No, he knows the script when he sees it.
Brat: We're dedicated to a higher purpose.
Joel: Acting like idiots is a higher purpose?
Tom: It is when you start out as a moron.
Brat: Here, man, read this.
[BRAT HANDS SAM A COMIC BOOK: "DESTROY ALL VAMPIRES."]
Crow: So it's true, comic books corrupt the morals of kids.
[BOARDWALK; MICHAEL JOINS STAR]
Star: It's a rip-off.
Tom: What's this? The movie is reviewing itself?
[STAR REVEALS HER NAME TO MICHAEL]
Michael: I came this close to being called "Moonbeam."
Crow: You came even closer to being called "Dimwit."
Michael: Star is great, I like Star.
Tom: He'd say that if her name was "Syphilis."
[EVERYONE IS ON MOTORCYCLES]
Grunge vampire: You don't have to beat me, Michael--
Crow: But the audience thinks he deserves a good beating.