[THE WOODS. THE SECOND GIRL FROM THE TRUCK IS RUNNING FROM THE FACE-HUGGING VAMPIRE]
Crow: Hey, how did she get out of the church?
Tom: And why did she leave it after she was told it was safe?
Joel: And why didn't she bring along that cross?
[AUNT CLARA'S HOUSE. MORIARTY AND THE KID ARE UP AND GRIPING. THE GIRL BURSTS IN SCREAMING]
Moriarty: What happened?
Girl: Oh God you're not going to believe me!
Joel: Why not? Does she think he's part of the audience?
Crow: Hey, he believed his agent when he said this was a good role.
Tom: He called her Sherry! How does he know her name?
[MORIARTY, THE KID AND THE GIRL GO TO JUDGE AXEL'S HOUSE. THEY MEET THE JUDGE]
Crow: Hey, it's the Wizard of Oz!
Joel: You mean the Wizard of Odd.
Tom: He's a bad guy. You can tell because they're playing harpsichord music in the background.
[THE KID SEES AMANDA, A BLONDE GIRL HIS AGE. THEY GIVE ONE ANOTHER THE EYE]
Tom: He thinks he's a real lady-killer.
[THE GIRL KEEPS GETTING HYSTERICAL. SHE PANICS WHEN SHE SEES THE HOUSEKEEPER, WHO DRAGS HER OFF]
Tom: So much for that audition.
Crow: Thank you, but we have someone else in mind for this role.
[MORIARTY RECOGNIZES AUNT CLARA]
Joel: Isn't she dead?
Tom: She got over it.
Crow: He's taking it pretty well, her coming back from the dead.
Moriarty: They're killing her in there!
Judge: Something like that.
Tom: Gotta love these straight answers.
Joel: There's killed, and not killed, and what else?
Crow: Maybe he wants Lance Ito's job.
Judge: You still haven't figured it out, have you?
Crow: How can he figure it out? They haven't given him any clues!
Tom: Can't give what you don't have, and this flick is clueless.
[MIDDLE-AGED VAMPIRESSES KILL THE YOUNG GIRL]
Joel: They killed someone nice, so now we know they're bad.
[OUTSIDE, JUDGE GESTURES AT THE OUTSIDE WORLD]
Judge: Do you think that world is any better than ours?
Tom: Ah, we now make explicit the moral relativism of the girl's murder.
Crow: He implies that the outside world is bad because people kill, which leads to the logical conclusion that he's bad because he kills.
Tom: I think I just said that.
[WEDDING SCENE. THE KID AND AMANDA WATCH AS TWO SIX-YEAR-OLDS TIE THE KNOT]
Crow: You'd think Moriarty's kid would wonder what's going on.
Tom: Why? His dad didn't notice anything odd.
Crow: Like father, like son.
[DAIRY FARM. WE SEE A LOT OF COWS WHILE THE JUDGE LECTURES MORIARTY]
Judge: Human blood is the best, but it isn't quite good for you, what with drugs, hepatitis and this AIDS virus going around.
Joel: Mad cow disease, E. coli, cowpox, hoof-and-mouth disease.
Tom: Why would vampires worry about diseases?
Crow: They didn't seem too worried when they fed on those kids and the drunks.
Joel: They were FDA-approved.
Crow: Hey, how did she get out of the church?
Tom: And why did she leave it after she was told it was safe?
Joel: And why didn't she bring along that cross?
[AUNT CLARA'S HOUSE. MORIARTY AND THE KID ARE UP AND GRIPING. THE GIRL BURSTS IN SCREAMING]
Moriarty: What happened?
Girl: Oh God you're not going to believe me!
Joel: Why not? Does she think he's part of the audience?
Crow: Hey, he believed his agent when he said this was a good role.
Tom: He called her Sherry! How does he know her name?
[MORIARTY, THE KID AND THE GIRL GO TO JUDGE AXEL'S HOUSE. THEY MEET THE JUDGE]
Crow: Hey, it's the Wizard of Oz!
Joel: You mean the Wizard of Odd.
Tom: He's a bad guy. You can tell because they're playing harpsichord music in the background.
[THE KID SEES AMANDA, A BLONDE GIRL HIS AGE. THEY GIVE ONE ANOTHER THE EYE]
Tom: He thinks he's a real lady-killer.
[THE GIRL KEEPS GETTING HYSTERICAL. SHE PANICS WHEN SHE SEES THE HOUSEKEEPER, WHO DRAGS HER OFF]
Tom: So much for that audition.
Crow: Thank you, but we have someone else in mind for this role.
[MORIARTY RECOGNIZES AUNT CLARA]
Joel: Isn't she dead?
Tom: She got over it.
Crow: He's taking it pretty well, her coming back from the dead.
Moriarty: They're killing her in there!
Judge: Something like that.
Tom: Gotta love these straight answers.
Joel: There's killed, and not killed, and what else?
Crow: Maybe he wants Lance Ito's job.
Judge: You still haven't figured it out, have you?
Crow: How can he figure it out? They haven't given him any clues!
Tom: Can't give what you don't have, and this flick is clueless.
[MIDDLE-AGED VAMPIRESSES KILL THE YOUNG GIRL]
Joel: They killed someone nice, so now we know they're bad.
[OUTSIDE, JUDGE GESTURES AT THE OUTSIDE WORLD]
Judge: Do you think that world is any better than ours?
Tom: Ah, we now make explicit the moral relativism of the girl's murder.
Crow: He implies that the outside world is bad because people kill, which leads to the logical conclusion that he's bad because he kills.
Tom: I think I just said that.
[WEDDING SCENE. THE KID AND AMANDA WATCH AS TWO SIX-YEAR-OLDS TIE THE KNOT]
Crow: You'd think Moriarty's kid would wonder what's going on.
Tom: Why? His dad didn't notice anything odd.
Crow: Like father, like son.
[DAIRY FARM. WE SEE A LOT OF COWS WHILE THE JUDGE LECTURES MORIARTY]
Judge: Human blood is the best, but it isn't quite good for you, what with drugs, hepatitis and this AIDS virus going around.
Joel: Mad cow disease, E. coli, cowpox, hoof-and-mouth disease.
Tom: Why would vampires worry about diseases?
Crow: They didn't seem too worried when they fed on those kids and the drunks.
Joel: They were FDA-approved.
